Many clients have learned—through repeated experience—that relationships are unsafe, unreliable, or come with conditions. For some, early caregivers were sources of fear, neglect, or inconsistency, rather than safety and comfort. In this context, the role of a support staff is not just practical—it is relational. Your consistent, respectful, and non-judgmental presence can offer something profoundly healing: a corrective emotional experience. Over time, this can help reshape how clients understand themselves and others.

It’s Not About “Fixing” Attachment:

We are not here to “fix” people or their histories. Instead, the goal is to offer a different kind of relational experience—one that is grounded in empathy, boundaries, and dependability. The professional relationship becomes a secure base, echoing what secure attachment offers: a space where clients can feel safe, supported, and gradually able to explore growth or change. The relationship can gently challenge internalised beliefs like:

  ❌ “People always leave.” → ✅ “Someone stuck around.”
  ❌ “Needing others is weak.” → ✅ “I can ask for help safely.”
  ❌ “I have to act out or hide my feelings to be seen.” → ✅ “I can be accepted as I am.”

Over Time, Clients May Learn That:

• Relationships can be safe and consistent
• Boundaries do not mean punishment or rejection
• Their emotions will not be dismissed or punished
• They are worthy of care and connection, even when they are struggling

⚠️ These are not instant shifts—but they become possible through repeated, compassionate interactions.

Vicious vs. Virtuous Cycles

In services, we often find ourselves stuck in repeating patterns with clients. These patterns can either reinforce distress—or begin to break it.

Vicious Cycles

A vicious cycle happens when both the client’s behaviours and staff reactions unintentionally reinforce each other in ways that maintain mistrust, fear, or disconnection. Clients’ protective behaviours trigger staff frustration or withdrawal. This, in turn, confirms the client’s belief that people cannot be trusted or that they are “too much.” And the cycle continues.

Virtuous Cycles

A virtuous cycle begins when someone does something different—often, that is the staff member. By staying calm, validating, and setting boundaries without punishment, we show that relational safety is possible. These moments—especially when repeated—can disrupt negative patterns and replace them with experiences of stability and trust.

Let’s look at how these cycles play out in real life.

📘Example: Testing Boundaries 

Vicious Cycle

Sarah arrives late to appointments, challenges staff with questions like, “Why should I trust you?”, and seems to test the service. Staff, feeling worn down or defensive, respond with frustration, stricter rules, or emotional distance. Sarah experiences this as rejection or confirmation that people cannot be trusted. Her anxiety increases, and she escalates or disengages.

The result? Everyone feels stuck and disconnected.

Virtuous Cycle

Sarah’s behaviour is understood as a signal—not of defiance, but of anxiety and a need for safety. Staff respond with empathy:

“It makes sense that you’d want to see if you can trust us.”

They set boundaries with warmth and clarity, and stay consistent without taking things personally. Over time, Sarah begins to feel safer. Her testing reduces, engagement increases, and the relational pattern begins to shift.

💡These patterns are not always easy to spot in the moment. But taking time to reflect on how our responses shape the relationship can make all the difference. Next, we will explore a simple tool to help you pause, reflect, and choose responses that build trust and break out of unhelpful cycles.