The ABC model, rooted in cognitive behavioural theory, helps us explore how our thoughts shape our feelings and actions. While it is often used in therapy, it is also a powerful reflective tool for anyone—especially when navigating distress, conflict, or disconnection with clients. Using this model can support us to pause, make sense of challenging behaviours, and choose responses that reduce escalation and build trust over time.

What Does ABC Stand For?

A – Activating Event:

• This is the triggering situation—something that happens in the environment.

Example: A client is told they have to wait another week for housing.

B – Beliefs:

• This is the meaning the person makes of the situation—their thoughts, assumptions, or interpretations.

Example: “This always happens to me. No one cares. I’m never going to get housed.”

C – Consequences:

• This refers to the emotions and behaviours that follow from those beliefs.

Example: Feeling hopeless or angry, then disengaging from support or becoming verbally aggressive.

💡 Key Insight

It is rarely just the situation (A) that causes distress—it is how a person understands or interprets it (B). When we can recognise and gently explore these beliefs, we open space for more compassionate, regulated responses—both in ourselves and our clients.

Let’s look at how this model plays out between a client and staff member—and how vicious and virtuous cycles can develop from the same situation.

📘Example: 

Vicious Cycle

Sometimes, both staff and clients get caught in reactive loops. The client’s past experiences shape how they see the situation, and the staff’s emotional reaction—while understandable—can unintentionally reinforce the client’s negative beliefs.

Client’s Perspective

Activating Event (A): Staff sets a boundary—e.g., saying no to a request for support outside agreed hours.

Belief (B): “They don’t care. I can’t count on anyone. I’m always left to cope alone.”

Consequence (C):

Emotions: Anger, fear, abandonment

Behaviours: Accuses staff (“You’re all useless”), slams the door, storms off, or disengages entirely

Staff’s Perspective

Activating Event (A): Client becomes verbally confrontational, says “You’re never here when I need you.”

Belief (B): “He’s being rude and ungrateful. We try our best, but it’s never enough.”

Consequence (C):

Emotions: Defensive, frustrated, demoralised

Behaviours: Withdraws emotionally, sticks to tasks, avoids informal contact

🔁 Shared Outcome:

• The client feels unheard, rejected, and further confirms their belief that “people in power can’t be trusted.”

• The staff member feels ineffective and undervalued, increasing the risk of burnout or disengagement.

Both parties walk away feeling worse. The belief system—that people with power are unsafe or unreliable—is unintentionally reinforced.

🌱 Virtuous Cycle

What might it look like to break this cycle—not by dropping boundaries, but by approaching the same moment with greater curiosity and compassion?

Client’s Perspective

Activating Event (A): They ask for help outside working hours and are told it is not possible right now.

Belief (B): “They’re like everyone else. I don’t matter. I’m being abandoned again.”

Consequence (C):

Emotions: Anxious, rejected, angry

Behaviours: “You’re never around when I need help!”—possibly shouts, walks out, or withdraws

Staff’s Reframed Perspective

New Belief (B): “This anger is rooted in fear. He’s used to being let down and left to cope alone. This is pain, not just aggression.”

Consequence (C):

Emotions: Compassion, calm, confidence

Behaviours: Responds with empathy and consistency:

“It sounds like you’re really struggling right now. I know it’s hard when I’m not available straight away. I do care, and I’m going to be here to talk tomorrow morning when I’m back.”

🔄 Outcome:

• The client might still feel upset, but over time, they begin to experience the staff member as reliable and consistent, even when they cannot meet every need.
• The staff member remains emotionally available without compromising boundaries, reducing the risk of emotional exhaustion.
• The client’s core belief may start to soften: “Maybe some people do stick around.”

✅ Support tip

Reframing does not mean excusing harmful behaviour or abandoning limits. It means understanding the ‘why’ beneath the behaviour, so we can respond in ways that reduce escalation rather than fuel it. With practice, this kind of reflection can:

• Prevent emotional burnout
• Reduce conflict
• Build safety and trust
• Support clients to regulate emotions and stay engaged

💡Closing Statement

When clients use actions that may seem challenging, avoidant, or even rejecting, these are often deeply rooted safety behaviours shaped by early experiences. By reframing these behaviours through a psychological lens, we can begin to see them not as personal attacks or signs that we are failing in our role, but as expressions of unmet needs, fear, or mistrust.

Recognising this helps us respond with more compassion, patience, and validation. It reminds us that support work is not about “fixing” people, but about being a consistent, safe, and thoughtful presence as they navigate complex internal worlds.

By holding onto this perspective, we can care without becoming overwhelmed, validate without reinforcing harm, and support growth without losing sight of our own boundaries and value.