Attachment patterns developed through early relationships shape how people experience stress, relate to others, and seek (or avoid) support. Below are two common patterns you may encounter—and how to respond in a way that promotes safety, trust, and growth.

Attachment-Related Anxiety

How They Might Respond to Stress

• View stress as catastrophic or unmanageable
• Feel overwhelmed and unable to act
• Over-focus on the emotional impact rather than finding solutions

Common Traits

• Intense emotions and overthinking
• Fear of abandonment
• Strong need for closeness and reassurance

Coping Strategies

• May seem clingy, controlling, or overly dependent
• Seeks constant signs of commitment and safety
• Often rooted in inconsistent or unavailable early care—emotional intensity comes from fear, not manipulation

How It Might Feel for Staff

• You may feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, or “on call”
• It can seem like nothing is ever enough
• You might feel guilty for setting limits or pressured to always be available

✅ Support Tip

• Stay calm, consistent, and emotionally present
• Offer gentle reassurance while keeping clear, kind boundaries
• Do not take emotional intensity personally—it reflects fear, not rejection

📘 Example: 

Kelly regularly texts her keyworker late at night and becomes distressed if there is no immediate response. She says, “You’re the only one who’s ever cared about me,” but accuses staff of abandoning her if a meeting is rescheduled.

This behaviour reflects a deep fear of rejection, not a personal attack. Calm reassurance, sticking to boundaries, and showing up reliably help build trust.

Attachment-Related Avoidance

How They Might Respond to Stress

• Underestimate emotional impact initially
• Use avoidance until stress becomes overwhelming
• Eventually feel flooded or hopeless if avoidance fails

Common Traits

• Suppresses emotions and avoids vulnerability
• Distrusts support and pushes others away, especially when upset

Coping Strategies

• Withdraws or “ghosts” under stress
• Appears distant, dismissive, or overly self-reliant
• Often shaped by early experiences where expressing need led to rejection or punishment

How It Might Feel for Staff

• You may feel shut out, rejected, or that the person “doesn’t care”
• Their lack of visible engagement can feel frustrating
• You might feel tempted to either withdraw or push harder

✅ Support Tip:

• Respect their space—connection may feel threatening
• Be patient and consistent—offer support without pressure
• Do not take distance personally—it is protection, not rejection

📘 Example: 

Tony rarely shows up to keywork sessions and says he’s “fine” even when clearly struggling. He avoids eye contact and keeps conversations surface-level. When offered help, he shrugs and says, “I’ve sorted it.”

This is not disinterest—it is a learned defence. By gently offering consistent support and giving him space, trust can gradually grow.

💡Why This Is Important for You

• These patterns are not about you—they are shaped by the client’s past relationships.
• Understanding this helps you avoid common pitfalls like feeling rejected, burnt out, or personally responsible.
• Your relationship can be a powerful tool for healing—but it takes time, patience, and consistency.

✅ Support Tip

Use clear, calm, and compassionate language.
Boundaries work best when they are predictable and emotionally neutral. For example: “I want to support you, but I can’t do that right now. Let’s pick this up at [set time].” Or, “I hear you’re upset. I’m going to step away for a moment and come back when we’re both calm.”

Know the difference between empathy and over-identification.
It is good to care deeply, but remember—you are not the only lifeline. Ask yourself: “Am I helping, or am I taking on too much?” If you are carrying the client’s emotions home, it may be time to step back.

Set consistent limits and stick to them.
Inconsistency can feel like rejection, especially for those with insecure attachment. Make your limits clear and repeat them. For example: “I don’t share personal information, even if I feel close.” Or, “Just keep in mind that I always stop replying at the end of the work day, so we both know what to expect.”

Check in with your own emotions.
When you are tired or overwhelmed, it is harder to keep healthy boundaries. Try rating your emotional energy from 0 to 10, name how you feel, and give yourself permission to pause if needed.

Practice brief grounding or reset techniques.
Regulating your emotions in the moment helps you respond rather than react. Example techniques include box breathing, sensory grounding (5-4-3-2-1), or quick reset rituals like stepping outside or stretching.

Use reflective team spaces and supervision.
What feels like “difficult behaviour” often makes more sense when discussed with others. Use reflection to explore:

• What is this behaviour triggering in me?
• Where do I need firmer boundaries or extra support?
• What am I responsible for—and what am I not?

Normalise stepping back as a therapeutic intervention.
Taking space models healthy boundaries and self-care. You can say, “I’m going to take a moment and then come back. This helps me respond better.” This models co-regulation instead of rescuing.